So it looks like we are leaving.

Sometimes I dont know if its my irrational reation to things or if it really is that bad. The funniset thing is my partner sat next to me the other night and said my ex husband was an idiot for letting me go. How strange? How on earth does that figure. My ex husband is an idiot for letting me go but even though I am supposedly the love of my partners life it makes perfect sense to go out of his way to push me away and he says im the one thats ill.

I dont know what to do anymore. The only thing I can think to do is to slowly pack the house up and move in with my mum. I dont know if that is the best thing or not. Me and my mum are quite close but also pretty volitile in hard situations. I dont know if I can move back into that house either. Too me it has the memorys of growing up with all the fighting and the tears all the time. Then their are the photos of my sister. I know this sounds odd but they make my sister feel ghost like to me. All those photos looking at me but not looking like my sister anymore. I have a photo in my house of my sister. It is kept in a box with all my other photos and she is just sat on the settee next to my step daughter, who was her best friend. Nobody else knows I have this photo. I cant tell them because I dont want it to be copied for all the family and then become like all the other photos. My sisters bedroom is also still the same and noone goes in it. I have been in it a few times. More so when she first died. Now it seems harder but I dont know if it is right or wrong that her room is like that. It feels like her room should be a happy peaceful place but how can it be when she died in there?

My partner is getting me down. I am going from angry with him that he is refusing to see where we are going and not stopping it and just so upset that I cant think straight. Then deep deep dpwn somewhere is the fighter I used to be saying it will be ok, you cant make a loving relationship on your own and it is time to move on and make the best of things. This however is few and far between and had I not wrote it down as I was feeling it, I probably would have missed it being there.

If anybody has any advice please give it me as my brain currently makes no sense to me whatsoever.