Tuesday 27 January 2009

Dealing with bipolar.

Now I dont know which one of us suffers this or whether its both of us. The thing is we both react to each others mood. He feels like I dont love him and I feel like he dosent love me. I cant bear the insecurity of it all. He tells me he loves me all the time. He hugs me all the time but I think I feel stressed about it. Lately I have been feeling like he is only hugging me to lead to something else. I dont think I really believe that deep down. He has always cuddle me and things and often and I love it. I think i just want to be hugged not hugged for sex. I think i need more tenderness from him. Its hard though when both our moods are all over the place. It dosent help that he is drinking. He dosent drink a lot at home only in the evenings and not every night but I feel like it controls him and his moods. When he goes out his confidence is so low he has to be wrecked. We barely go out anyway anymore especially with the baby but when he does it worries me that he needs to get in such a state. One of his friends thinks it is funny to get him in those states. His other friends dont and tell him enough is enough. The friend that does though is a big influence on him. He is the one that would leave him in that state though. Everybody else wont leave him to get home in that state and tries to discourage him from it. He gets him wrecked then goes home leaving him plastered whereever he is. Im sorry but what arsehole does that. Dont get me wrong he is an adult and its his own bloody fault but what kind of a friend does that? Anyway so drinking dosent help his moods but I guess I dont either. I get really clingy although he forgets he is as clingy with me he just likes being on his own too in his own world. So do I though, sometimes I need a bit of time out and feel the need to get a breather on my own. I dont have that time though. I have a baby to feed and a thousand questions to answer from the kids. I go to the toilet and have to take the baby with me or she cries because I have left her for a second and then the kids follow me too and the dogs. Its utter madness. Dont get me wrong, I love being a mum. I am the luckiest woman in the world when it comes to my kids and my family. They are amazing. I just need to be better to be the best mum they deserve
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1 comment:

  1. Robert27 January 2009 at 12:35

    The ideal environment for you and your children - especially the children - is with your partner.

    Now, my wife pisses me off seriously sometimes. So I do 2 things - 1. Think of our early days when I couldn't get enough of her (you can ask your partner to do that too) - 'cos it can be that way again if we do the same things , and 2. Try to imagine what life without her would be like for me & the kids.

    So then I treat her the way I did when we first met. She reacts by being nicer to me, and life becomes better. Also, I cannot imagine living without her. And I know that the kids love their mother - so how can I take them away from her?

    Well, that's how I hold my marriage together. I don't know if there's anything in there which can help you.

    I'm the children's main care giver. I get them up in the morning & put them to bed at night. And most of what goes in between. And the 3 year old follows me into the toilet too. There are times when I feel like I just want a day - no, even half a day - to myself. But I have to do what I have to do, and that means that my needs come 2nd. However, I've 5 grown up children, so I know that this period when the children need me more or less all the time doesn't last long. Just until they start school. Not all that long when you consider how long a lifetime is.

    I hope I am perhaps a LITTLE help to you.

    Best wishes...

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