Today is shit

Today is shit. Yesterday was shit too. Yesterday I wanted to get all the stuff for my partners birthday. Then my sister in law asked if I could pick up her daughter as her other daughter was in a dance show and wouldnt be back in time. I know this dosent sound anything major but I really cant manage more task then one. Its sets me into panic mode and I cant deal with it. Anyway so I went to get the birthday stuff shopping for ages. Laden with arms full of stuff I got to the till and realized my bankcard wasnt in my purse. F*%&* B&^^$£& F^$%^ F%$£ I then also realize i am going to be late picking her up. Shitty shit shit. So I pick her up and realize her mum didnt actually tell me what she wanted me to do with her when I pick her up and my battery is flat. BALLS im getting a bit mad now. So I found a phone box and asked my partner to ring his sister, we were near her house and what did she want me to do. She is still at the show, it still hasnt finished and it is round the corner from my house at the other end of town. OK my partner has left work by this time and half way home about 10 minutes away from me. I ask him to meet me so he can drive and tell his sister to meet at our house. I have still not fetched any presents for his birthday BALLS again. So we get home. His sister is there the kids do the frantic running up and down the stairs and its getting late. The kids are all hungry and by the time she gets the kids home on two buses it would be even later. So I make everyone tea together and take her and the kids home. It is now 7.30 and I still havent got anything. F%£$%£$%%^%^$%^$^$^$^$ now im mega stressed. I have been having panic attacks but cant facce telling anyone and keep going dizzy. Im getting more irate and just want to get stuff done and settle. Where on earth am I going to get his birthday presents from at this time? Well the only thing open is the supermarkets and toysrus at the other end of town. So he ends up with a doctor who birthday cake a toy WALL-E and a clock/counter thing for his bike. He will have to come with me to go back for the clothes I had to leave in the shop. At least I had bought a bag full of his favourite shiney stuff from poundland he seems impressed. 

Anyway so today I am just feeling shit again. I am going though emotions at ten paces since the counselling. Today I just feel pissed off. It sounds really silly but my partner has gone to work and I cant help feeling that he didnt want to spend his birthday with us. I feel like he doesnt want me to go out with him at the weekend (or ever) and that he dosent want me to be a part of it. I dont know why but I cant get it out of my head. He says he just feels rubbish because he is 30 and feeling old and shit. He is only 30 though and I dont understand why he feels like that.  We met on his birthday so it feels special and now I am feeling a bit rejected. I think I am just being slefish though. It is his birthday not mine. Its also his first birthday with our daughter and I would have like us to have been together. Dam it. I know im being a cow but I feel so upset. I havent even got anything ready for when he gets back from work. Im just so fed up. I wanted today to be nice.